How many of you feel hopeless during specific situations of your life? I guess that is a stupid question. No matter how old you are, what ethnicity, race, creed, color, etc., no one is immune to feeling vulnerable. Everyone, at some point, feels that way for many reasons.
A diagnosis of cancer is one of the most prominent reasons to feel hopeless. My heart breaks when I see the faces and hear the words of parents watching their children suffer.
When my doctors admitted me to Sloan Kettering, that first night lying in my hospital bed was one of the most desperate feelings I ever experienced. I was just 16 at the time. I remember being wheeled into my hospital room and seeing all of these children with bald heads and IV lines running out of them. I never felt such fear.
From page 30 of "My Scars Tell A Story"
"My first night in the hospital was spent crying and carrying on. My mom stayed with me that night and tried to comfort me, but I was a complete wreck. It's hard to explain the feelings I had that night, but they definitely were feelings that I never experienced before. It was like I couldn't look forward to anything. No matter what was going on in my life, it didn't matter because I now had cancer. There was no next year, next month, there wasn't even the next day. Everything had to be taken not minute by minute, but second by second.
That night was probably the worst night of my life. I had no idea how
I managed to get any sleep. I cried out all night to God, begging for him to have mercy on me and save me from my sickness. I made a lot of promises to God and my mother, hoping I would get the chance to live them out."
How many of you struggle with the same thoughts? What situations, other than cancer, can cause such fear and anxiety?
Tonight, October 7th, 2019, I am leading the first night of a support group for cancer. My trepidation is extreme since I know how sensitive a topic this is. I rarely suffer from stage fright anymore, but I admit I'm anxious about letting anyone down.
In the last few days, I have thought often about how delicate I need to be in understanding the emotions that will be shared. I wonder what impression they will have of me and my co-leader. Hope, for the first time, has a different meaning when combined with cancer now.
We all need a place to find hope. We all need the promise that today - whatever good or bad might come of it - will provide hope for tomorrow. Without hope, we have nothing to look forward too, especially during hard times.
In my life recently, hope is a dangerous word. It can make me naive. Sometimes, hope can be a fairy tale. I have friends that choose not to use that word because of the implication of its meaning.
According to a google search - Hope: A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.; A feeling of trust.
For some, hope can be discouraging. Expecting results to be favorable can lead to disappointment if the opposite occurs, causing feelings of failure and sadness.
I would encourage each of you to examine what that word means to you. I also want you to ask yourself, "Where does my hope come from?"
My prayers and thoughts are with you all.
ATTENTION PEOPLE ON LONG ISLAND NEW YORK!
On Monday, October 7, True North Community Church in Bohemia, NY, will host a Cancer Support Group from 7-9 PM in the old auditorium. I encourage anyone who wants to help make a difference against cancer to attend.
The only way we can deal with our scars is to share them with others. Cancer will lie to you and make you feel you are alone. You are not. You never know how your story can change the life of someone else unless you reach out.
My prayers and thoughts are with you all.
WHERE TO FIND ME
I can always be reached by email (CKMagicSports@gmail or LivingAsACancerSurvivor@gmail). Please see the links below to follow me or contact me on social sites. I welcome (need) more followers and supporters. Please don't be shy about sharing your thoughts.
Please reach out to me or anyone in the beautiful support groups on Facebook, Reddit, Tumblr, or other social sites.
Next Blog Date: October 10, 2019