Living As A Cancer Survivor - Feeling Worthless

Mark Everett Kelly was diagnosed with Stage IV Rhabdomyosarcoma on December 12, 1990.

Mark Everett Kelly was diagnosed with Stage IV Rhabdomyosarcoma on December 12, 1990.

When I received the diagnosis of Stage IV Rhabdomyosarcoma, my doctors initially told me that I had just six months to survive. I was shocked and had no clue how this could happen. 

I was three months shy of celebrating my 17th birthday in March. I was entering my junior year and spent the entire summer honing my basketball skills. (for those of you interested I go into much more detail in my book, "My Scars Tell A Story,").

WARNING!!!! The Following might be depressing to read and discourage some. I am sharing this with you because I believe transparency is vital in everything. Remember, these are my thoughts, fears, and what would break my heart.

WHY CANCER?

No one understands why some people get cancer. While some are living a life that is more of cancer risk, I was one of the unfortunate cases.

Many times during my treatment, I prayed God would take me and save me from the immense pain I experienced. However, even after a disastrous bone marrow transplant where last rites were said over me three times, God kept me alive.

GRATEFUL FOR SURVIVING, BUT TIME IS RUNNING OUT

While I am grateful for every day, I get here on earth; I struggle with the side effects that make me remember the things cancer took from me.

Purchase “My Scars Tell A Story” here.

Purchase “My Scars Tell A Story” here.

I know that my life is unique, and God saved me for a reason. However, many days, I live scared. Since one of the things cancer took from me was my career and ability to work consistently, I torture myself as to what I can do to provide a life where I can support Michelle and Landon (and myself).

The reason I currently blog and published my book is that I have been blessed with the gift of public speaking. I love interacting with an audience. God blessed me with the ability to feel comfortable in front of crowds. Despite struggling to understand why I am failing, many tell me that my experiences touched their lives and that I am an inspiration to them. 

I want to provide a voice and hope for those whom I feel the cancer community has forgotten. For some of us, that battle continues due to diseases we contracted from treatment. 

The truth is sometimes I'm not the #neverquit cheerleader. I don't have an inspirational quote to live by ery day. I'm a total coward. I want to give up because the thought of being a burden to my family is humiliating. Honestly, I'd rather die. I don't believe God kept me alive so I could watch my family resent me because I have no other place to live.

So many have needs that they feel ashamed of and are suffering because they are too proud to ask for help. Watching people experience desperation because cancer keeps taking from us is heartbreaking. Now it is time for us to start taking things back. We all need help, however and each of us has something to share with those hurting that can inspire them.

PLEASE SHARE

If you enjoy this blog and believe it its message, please share it with as many as you can. 

Should you feel moved to do so, you are encouraged to donate to either my GoFundMe or Patreon pages. If you are a sports fan, please send me an email, and I would love to talk sports with you. 

We are all in this together. I need you guys, and I hope you enjoy my thoughts and experiences. I believe I have a testimony that God rejoices in, and I am praying for the chance to prove myself. 

WHERE TO FIND ME

I can always be reached by email (CKMagicSports@gmail or LivingAsACancerSurvivor@gmail). Please see the links below to follow me or contact me on social sites. I welcome (need) more followers and supporters. Please don't be shy about sharing your thoughts.  

NEED SUPPORT? 

Please reach out to me or anyone in the beautiful support groups on Facebook, Reddit, Tumblr, or other social sites. 

 

NEXT BLOG DATE: September 19, 2019